Horus is Bored
by The Egyptian Ninja
Summary: Horus gets bored one day and asks Set for tips. They go to Greece, and his target is Hercules. What's a God of War to do with him? Find out here. Great Rated T to be safe.


Horus was bored while being pharaoh one day. He didn't even think it was possible, but it was. He was bored with the gods of Egypt for the moment. He made a very stupid yet effective decision: He would take advice from Set to solve this dilemma.

"Ahhh what a delight this is. To what do I owe the pleasure of the great new king of the gods paying little ol' me a visit?"

"I'm bored, uncle. I grow tired of these gods and wish to seek entertainment."

"Why not enter your puny human vessel, the Kane boy, and play around with him?"

"No no. Not good enough, uncle! You're the god of foreigners! You can think of something!"

Set chuckled at his nephew's temper. "Very well. I shall prepare a boat for 'his highness' for Greece. I can't wait to see what happens next."

Once on the boat, Horus was getting excited. He knew his uncle wouldn't do this out of the goodness of his heart, but the thought of this new land thrilled him. Surely, he wouldn't be bored. Meanwhile, Set was rowing the boat, singing in a strange language.

"Uncle. What are you singing in?"

Set stops his singing. "That, dear nephew, was a song in Italian. You see, there is a country called 'Italy', and they let people pay to go on boats like this and they sing songs like that. Oh, and the only reason I'm doing this for what I have in mind for you. There's a guy named Heracles in Greece. That's your target. Second target: Artemis, the virgin goddess of the hunt. Have fun." Set resumed his singing. Horus had to admit that his uncle was at least a decent singer. At least he didn't sound like nails on a chalkboard.

Once at land, Set waved goodbye to his nephew. Why he didn't attack him was for entertainment purposes.

Horus began walking, however, his walk was very short lived when he got ambushed by a bunch of girls. They tried their best to seem intimidating, he even let one of them pin him down and point an arrow at him. Set was laughing it up.

"What do you want from me?"

"You're one of Set's accomplices, aren't you?! Well you and this red demon can go back to whatever area in Tartarus you came from!"

"Don't you mean 'to whatever depth of the Duat I came from'? And for your information, Set and I are normally mortal enemies." Horus sat up and flipped Set the falcon.

"Yeeeaaah sorry, ladies. Can we talk to Arty?"

"No! Not with you around, Set! Not after what happened last time!"

"I wanna introduce her to my nephew here. This is the god of war, Horus."

"God of...War...Uh oh!" Uh oh was right, for the girl on Horus was thrown off and reached 23.9 meters high into the air.

Horus stood up, brushed the dirt off his linen clothes, and caught the girl into his arms. When he did, a small and beautiful young lady came out. "Enough! What business do gods of Egypt have here in Greece?"

"I am to assume you are Artemis?"

"Indeed."

"Well I need to find someone named Heracles. Know where I can find him?"

Artemis shook her head. Come on, girls. Let's go. Leave the men to their stupidity," she said to the girls. With that, they vanished

"I better start looking. Wait for me here, Set."

"Whatevs, man. I'll leave if I darn feel like it! Not even you get to tell me what I can't and can't d-"

Horus brought a khopesh to his uncle's neck. "You WILL wait here for me!"

"Ok ok! Sheesh, I was just messing with you!"

Horus walked on. He looked up at the sun. He waited, and he jumped just in time to land on top of a car! He decided to hitch a ride until the car stopped. He wasn't behind the times with mortal technology. Carter had showed him so many things, including cars. But, he didn't know what model this car was. Ah well.

The car took him to a strange area REALLY high up. When the car finally stopped, a young man with a beaming face came out of the driver's side. The young man started walking, but stopped and looked up at the roof, yet no one was to be seen. Satisfied, the young man kept on, and Horus jumped over the car and silently followed him. He found himself in such a beautiful area. It was quite a sight. So many detailed architecture, it almost surpassed the beauty of his own kingdom. He just had to meet the designer and get him or her to work for him to renovate the palace. It was so traditional, he had to spruce things up a bi-...He's starting to think like his uncle.

Pretty soon, he got trampled by centaurs. Of course, Horus has never even known of centaurs, so he was panicking a bit.

"INTRUDER!"

"How'd he get in?!"

"You've got some nerve infiltrating Mount Olympus!"

"GET OFF ME, FOR RA'S SAKE!"

"Ra?"

"Who?"

"What's a Ra?"

"Is it edible?"

"Hey who's this guy?" The young man who drove the car shooed the centaurs away.

"I'll say if you say first"

"My name is Apollo. The oracle god and god of the sun. You?"

"...Horus. God of war and the sky. And king of the gods of Egypt."

"Ahh splendid! Set told us about you. Nasty things, mind you, but I'll be the judge of you."

"Do you know where a man name Heracles is?"

"He prefers 'Hercules', mind you. And I sure do. He's right over there." Apollo pointed at a reeeeeally buff man flirting with some...sprites? Horus really didn't know what to make of the strange beings. Greece sure was weird. Then again, he guesses his culture is weird to them. Maybe he can learn a thing or two from the-And there he goes again, thinking like his wretched unce.

The centaurs got off, and Horus walked to Hercules. "Are you, by chance Hercules?"

The buff man looked at him. "Who wants to know?"

"I do. No one else," Horus said. "I have a proposition for him."

"I'm all ears."

"I have an idea for a game," Horus said with a smirk. "I met the virgin goddess, Artemis. How about this...First one to claim her wins."

"Hmm...I see. What else does the winner get?"

"Loser is the winner's servant for a day."

"I see...Who are you?"

"You may call me...Heru."

"Ok, Heru. Get ready to lose!" Hercules cracked his knuckles and walked off.

Horus watched him in disgust. He couldn't believe that worked.

"You're not thinking of raping my sister, are you?' Horus looked back to see an angry Apollo staring at him. "You are just like my father. I figured a foreign god would be better than that! Now tell me you aren't seriously trying to get my sister's virginity!"

"Of course not!"

"Then what was that?!"

"...Idea! Do you know anyone good at making traps?"

A few days later, Hercules and Horus met up. Everything was set up and all it required was to lure Hercules to...

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"Did you get her?"

"Heru, if I did, it'd be news."

"I see. I tried. Failed pretty badly."

"Ha! I have yet to encounter her. I shall be the victor of this contest!"

"I hear she is bathing near a spring. You may make your move. If you succeed, I shall swallow my pride and accept defeat."

So Hercules went to find Artemis. She was just finished getting dressed after a bath.

"Hello, Artemis, my half sister."

"Hercules."

Hercules came close. As close as he can. But, Artemis whistled, and the trap was sprung. A mechanical trap spurred to life, and a net enveloped around Hercules, trapping him in an indestructible net.

"WHAT IS THIS?!"

"Heh heh heh heh..." Horus walked up to the net with a huge grin and a mischievous look in his eye. Behind him, Apollo ran up to his sister, making sure she hasn't gotten hurt. Close behind him, Set came up behind Horus, putting proud hand on his shoulder. "I can't believe you were dumb enough to actually accept my challenge. You must be the dumbest god on the planet, Heracles."

"It's Hercules! And what's going on?! Is this-"

"A trap meant for Ares and Aphrodite, yes. But Horus here found a better use for it," Artemis swiftly replied.

"Come, nephew. We should get going to home. Until we meet again, nefer," Set said, winking at Artemis.

Back on the boat, Horus was thinking. Maybe listening to his uncle's ideas for his entertainment wasn't so bad of an idea after all. They make a pretty good team. Heh. They should do this more often. It was quite fun, indeed.


End file.
